MY THREE GIANT ISSUES WITH FACEBOOK CULTURE

A picture of me, sick and without makeup, sitting alone, at a computer, for an hour, writing this for you.

My Three Giant Issues With Facebook Culture

I thought about deleting Facebook.

I thought about blocking people.

I decided to post this instead.

1)It’s All an Illusion.

This is the issue everyone constantly recognizes but still lets it affect them. If you are under the age of 25 and complaining that you will never get married or have children, you have let this effect you. If you think that everyone is doing fun adventurous things while you sit bored on your couch, you have let this affect you. Everyone posts the most glamorous and fun parts of their life on social media. You, as a user, only receive the good parts of others lives while still going through your own not-so-ideal circumstances. This means you are giving yourself the constant burden of other peoples’ high points. They may be miserable, but they aren’t telling you.

Facebook has become a power struggle. You want to feel “right” or “cool” so you post something in order to receive affirmation about your opinions. Then you sit and stare at your phone as you let the likes roll in. If you receive enough likes, you feel affirmed. If you don’t, you don’t think anyone cares about this part of your life that you enjoyed or found humorous or interesting.  So then you start lying to yourself. You decide that you should post things that look cool or interesting to other people, things that may not have been good at all, but in order to get affirmation you give it a silly caption and wait.

Last week I posted a picture after I decorated my room. I got a bunch of response on social media, but really I just wanted someone to come over and talk to me in the space that I created. I didn’t feel the satisfaction of sharing coffee on my bed. I didn’t get to talk about why the things I put up on my wall were important to me. After people liked it, it was forgotten and I now know I should have just invited people over. I recognize that.

American culture has lost a lot of spirituality. It used to be that things would happen and people would see them as signs from God. Fate/karma/blessings would fall into our hands and we would recognize them. Even if people were wrong about what the events meant, they were allowed to backtrack and say “I was wrong” because they didn’t document it with hundreds of people on social media. I think we have replaced a bit of this spiritual thinking with the way we interact online. I put something out there not knowing who will see it. I trust that people will log on to their computers and look and understand. When I have a lot of people respond, I applaud myself for cleverness. When no one responds, I have been unsuccessful.

This isn’t real life. This really isn’t spiritual. Sometimes silence is exactly what I need in order to find clarity. Sometimes I need to feel lost or alone in order to allow myself to be free. Maybe I should be posting that I had horrible lice two months ago, lice that left me crying alone in my apartment. Lice that got me to call my Mom and drive home at midnight just so that I could have someone help me dump chemicals on my head and comb through my thick hair. Or maybe I should post that I threw up on stage at church last Sunday while singing the first song. I was and continue to be sick and congested and overwhelmed by my lack of movement and adventure. I feel unsuccessful because I sit and look at others successful moments all day. Maybe I should post these heavier things… not in a way that makes people laugh and applaud, but to say sometimes I feel broken as well. Where all my broken people at? That’s the kind of affirmation I could truly appreciate. And if I hear no response, I can simply be content with my confession and transparency.

2) Instant Gratification.

There is a man in Houston that I have come to know. Each week, he carves out some time to write letters to people all around the world. Somehow, he began writing me letters and I have been greatly moved by the exchange.  Today I sat down to write to him. I let him know about my big and frightening plans for this next year. I talked about my dreams and the things that make me feel like I can fly. I told him my favorite color for the first time and I thanked him for his commitment to reach out to others. Then, I spent way too long addressing the envelope, writing his name in multiple pens, and putting a stamp on it. I put a leash on my dog and walked barefoot out to the mailbox. I dipped the corner of the letter in some rainwater that had just fallen to the ground moments before. I went from tiptoeing on the side of the street to pausing for a moment so that Holly could relieve herself on my neighbor’s lawn. I carefully placed the card in the mailbox and pushed it in so that it had settled. Then I waited uncomfortably for a moment. The fact that I was not hearing back right away really bothered me then. I wanted an instant response. Don’t get me wrong, I love sending letters, but it is a definite exercise of my patience and will. It means that I have to think fondly of someone who is not present with me at the moment, whose name doesn’t pop up on my computer screen through some algorithm. I have to be intentional about sitting down with paper and pen (or typewriter in some cases). I must carefully address and package the letter, make a trip to the mailbox, and put it in. Most importantly, I must wait for a response. This is a lost art. Email, text, Facebook is great. Calling on the phone is fantastic; but sitting down and meditating on your friendship with another person for 30 minutes can change your relationship. I hope to become much better at this.

3)The Wall of Social Anxiety is Broken Down

This one is the hardest for me seeing as I am an introvert who struggles with anxiety. For those of you who know me, you know that I tend to be quite unvocal about political matters. I rarely pick a side. Being born into a mostly liberal Canadian atmosphere and moving to the suburbs of Houston where conservatism reigns strong taught me to be quiet and listen. I honestly understand both sides. Both ways are right in different contexts. Facebook has been full of political standpoints for me lately. People spouting off what they think is most important. They think that they will change the world by letting people know what they think. People like me sift through the posts from biased sites to fall upon actual information. Because people aren’t afraid to post anything, my anxiety is heightened. You might say “Alison, just unfriend the people who are posting such outlandish statements”, but I care about people too much. It’s not that I don’t want to hear people’s opinions. It’s that I want to talk about them in person over a beer. I want to have dinner with you and hear how you are and what you think; but instead of that, next time I see you I will be afraid to talk to you because I was an immigrant once.

This is all just to say be careful out there. Although it is new and important and good, like all good things, it can be dangerous and harmful. Don’t post things you wouldn’t share over coffee in public. Don’t believe everything you see and hear. Call people to meet in your bedroom that you carefully decorated. Write letters to people you miss. Don’t forget that in order for people to post things on the internet, that means they had to sit by themselves at a computer or a phone and take time in solitude to do so.

I thought about deleting Facebook.

I thought about blocking people.

I decided to post this instead.

Be careful, be loved, and know that if you are ever feeling burdened (whether I know you well or not) that I am here to listen, pray, and understand the frustrations of the world alongside you.

Thanks for reading