What Fear Keeps You From

     If you read my last post, I talked at the end about how my ideas for my trip here didn't work out a planned. I thought I had everything set in stone upon my departure from Houston, but God likes to shift and break the earth sometimes and we can do very little to stop it; however, most times, He makes beautiful landscapes out of what he changes.

     I've spent the last week and a half trying to come up with new plans. It's a difficult proccess to get in touch with organizations with no prior notion about how they conduct themselves, but it's an exercise of trusting that my passions line up with God's passions and that He will work all things out. Speaking of God working things out, I have already heard back from a special needs home and a street kids organization- both welcoming me in and providing me with the opprotunity to volunteer. I will be visiting the street kids project on monday to see how they work. It will be something very new and exciting for me (as most things here in Jinja are). It will also be very scary to jump into things so uncomfortably and blindly.

     Fear is something I have had to fight constantly here in Uganda. The culture moves in such a different way than I am used to. Because I am white, people assume that I can throw around money like it is nothing. They will also take most things that I say as fact regardless of who I am or what credentials I have. There is also a large amount of corruption here. It has been sewn into the society to a point where lying is not bad, it is just a way of testing your luck. I have been raised with a mindset that assumes everyone is telling the truth to me when I ask basic questions. Here, people are skeptical that everyone is trying to trick eachother so they practice this same trickery to get by. To me, it is terrifying- to them, it is normal and no one sees the fault in it. There are lines that society draws when it comes to corruption, but the problem is that I do not know these lines. I have not been trained to understand what is good and what is bad in this society so I am always on my guard. I am constantly aware that my skin color might as well be glow in the dark. There is no mental rest outside of my room.

     I went to the supermarket on my own the other day to pick up some groceries and, sadly, It was probably one of the scariest experiences of my life. No, I was not in any danger whatsoever, but I was on my guard the whole time and well-aware that I stood out. Sometimes we create fear in our minds to keep ourselves out of unknown danger. Sometimes fear is useful, and sometimes it goes too far. 

     In all honesty, I am very tempted to stay home all day so that I don't have to go through that again. I know that I came here to get out of my comfort zone and learn more about what God does, so that is what I need to do. My good friend named Sunset told me to "always choose adventure", so that is what I am trying to do. Even when I fear the worst, even when I wouldn't normally jump onto a motorcycle with a stranger in America, even when I don't know where the child's hands have been, I must always trust the God who made this world and I must always choose to love.

I must do

What I cannot do

with what I do not have.

I must trust

Those I cannot trust

With a trust I do not have

I must love

Those I cannot love

With a love I do not have

I must serve

Those I cannot serve

With a servant's heart I do not have.

I must try

To do with God

What he could do alone.

Thank you all for reading this and supporting me! Please continue to pray for me to feel comfortable. I am going to make a point of writing posts more often (However, I can't promise that they will be well thought out). 

You are all the best.

If you have any questions or comments and are having trouble leaving them on this site, please email me at alisoncpatrick@gmail.com

-Alison