What Fear Keeps You From

     If you read my last post, I talked at the end about how my ideas for my trip here didn't work out a planned. I thought I had everything set in stone upon my departure from Houston, but God likes to shift and break the earth sometimes and we can do very little to stop it; however, most times, He makes beautiful landscapes out of what he changes.

     I've spent the last week and a half trying to come up with new plans. It's a difficult proccess to get in touch with organizations with no prior notion about how they conduct themselves, but it's an exercise of trusting that my passions line up with God's passions and that He will work all things out. Speaking of God working things out, I have already heard back from a special needs home and a street kids organization- both welcoming me in and providing me with the opprotunity to volunteer. I will be visiting the street kids project on monday to see how they work. It will be something very new and exciting for me (as most things here in Jinja are). It will also be very scary to jump into things so uncomfortably and blindly.

     Fear is something I have had to fight constantly here in Uganda. The culture moves in such a different way than I am used to. Because I am white, people assume that I can throw around money like it is nothing. They will also take most things that I say as fact regardless of who I am or what credentials I have. There is also a large amount of corruption here. It has been sewn into the society to a point where lying is not bad, it is just a way of testing your luck. I have been raised with a mindset that assumes everyone is telling the truth to me when I ask basic questions. Here, people are skeptical that everyone is trying to trick eachother so they practice this same trickery to get by. To me, it is terrifying- to them, it is normal and no one sees the fault in it. There are lines that society draws when it comes to corruption, but the problem is that I do not know these lines. I have not been trained to understand what is good and what is bad in this society so I am always on my guard. I am constantly aware that my skin color might as well be glow in the dark. There is no mental rest outside of my room.

     I went to the supermarket on my own the other day to pick up some groceries and, sadly, It was probably one of the scariest experiences of my life. No, I was not in any danger whatsoever, but I was on my guard the whole time and well-aware that I stood out. Sometimes we create fear in our minds to keep ourselves out of unknown danger. Sometimes fear is useful, and sometimes it goes too far. 

     In all honesty, I am very tempted to stay home all day so that I don't have to go through that again. I know that I came here to get out of my comfort zone and learn more about what God does, so that is what I need to do. My good friend named Sunset told me to "always choose adventure", so that is what I am trying to do. Even when I fear the worst, even when I wouldn't normally jump onto a motorcycle with a stranger in America, even when I don't know where the child's hands have been, I must always trust the God who made this world and I must always choose to love.

I must do

What I cannot do

with what I do not have.

I must trust

Those I cannot trust

With a trust I do not have

I must love

Those I cannot love

With a love I do not have

I must serve

Those I cannot serve

With a servant's heart I do not have.

I must try

To do with God

What he could do alone.

Thank you all for reading this and supporting me! Please continue to pray for me to feel comfortable. I am going to make a point of writing posts more often (However, I can't promise that they will be well thought out). 

You are all the best.

If you have any questions or comments and are having trouble leaving them on this site, please email me at alisoncpatrick@gmail.com

-Alison

Two Birds of a Feather: A Cross-cultural Comparison.

     I remember the UNICEF commercials from when I was younger quite vividly. They would start out with a man walking through an African village. He would be talking about poverty and about how no one in the village had food to eat, or a bed to sleep on, or even shoes to cover their dirty and cracking feet. I remember being mesmerized as I watched the man proceed to approach sad looking orphan children and set them on his knee. The child would stare through the screen and into my young eyes, and I would sit dumbfounded and wondering how I got lucky enough to be blessed with my house and food and family. My parents would always try to change the channel but I would insist that the infomercial is what I wanted to watch.

     I think that these moments held my first understandings of sympathy and empathy.

     For the first week that I was here in Jinja, Uganda, my dad came to join me, help me settle in, and try his luck at catching a Nile perch. We got to do some really beautiful things together. We did end up fishing in the nile but failed to reel one in. Dad said we had an unprofessional fishing guide: I'm still not convinced that those giant fish we had heard about in tales are real.

     While my dad was here, we also got to help with taking pictures and interviewing the village women for an Akola Project marketing campaign. As I have been in Jinja, I have had the opprotunity to learn so much about missions and Akola's mission specifically. They hire women in Uganda who have endured many hardships and provide them with an opprotunity to rise above their circumstance. The women in the village are sold paper, fishing wire, and varnish, and they are asked to roll beads. When Akola comes back to collect the beads, the women are paid for their work and given more supplies. This gives the women a steady income and allows for them to consistantly pay for their children's schooling and buy items like bicycles to get water and food, mattreses (instead of grass mats) to sleep on, covers to sleep under, bricks to build sustainable housing, etc. The beads that are collected go to the city of Jinja where they are strung onto necklaces by other Ugandan women.

     All the women who are hired by Akola work hard and take pride in the fact that they are now a part of the working class. There is so much hope in their future and they are no longer trying to make ends meet. They are planning a future for their families and positively effecting their communities in the proccess.

     When my father and I went to take pictures, Akola asked us to emphesize the success stories of the women and their communities. They wanted the world to see the wonder in the women's eyes and the fact that these ladies now see what planning and hard work can do to make their lives easier. I have been thinking a lot about those old UNICEF commercials and questioning how charity effects the lives of the reciever. I can see vividly that part of the reason Akola stirs success in these women's lives is because they feel pride in their work. They see that their positive actions create positive reactions and are then inclined to continue their good works. My cousin says that Toms shoes sometimes comes to Uganda and does shoe drops. She says that people would rather not wear the shoes though, because they are seen as a "poor man's shoe". I know that many people buy Toms thinking that they are giving a gift to someone else, but receiving the shoes feels like pity to the receiver and emphesises the fact that they have less than the giver. By teaching someone to make their own shoes with local materials and sell shoes to their neighbors, you would instead be helping that person value their life and abilities. You would be showing them that they are capable.

    

     My dad and I also got the opprotunity to go on a safari. It was breathtaking to see animals roaming in their natural states and interacting with one another. We saw elephants, giraffes, water buffalo, rhinos, and hippos up close. I got to see the wrinkles in their skin and hear the sound of their tails whipping against their backs. It was all so unbelievable, yet my favorite part of the safari was the birds.

     I've had a strange facination with birds for the past year. It rattles me to think about the many times giant flocks of birds have decided to fly right over my head during the times I have needed it most. Birds have been a physical representation of peace for me: a reminder that the things I am anxious about will fade. What amazes me specifically about the birds in Uganda are their color. When i first arrived in Jinja, I noticed how many birds were around me and it gave me comfort to think that although I was in a new culture and an uncomfortable place, I would always be reminded of God's peace. However, it wasn't until I went to the roof of Akola's building that I realized the colors of the birds. Jinja is filled with birds that look brown or grey or black at first but are actually clothed in bright yellows and purples and reds. I found myself looking closer at every little pigeon, crow, and starling to seek out the colors on its back. There was a point during the safari when I had my upper torso sticking out of the sunroof. I gazed around me and realized that I had rainbows of color flashing past me in every direction. I looked to my right just as an amazing African Bee-eater was soaring alongside our car. I threw my arms out and flew with him.

     The birds in Uganda remind me of the people here. When I took pictures in the village, I met a beautiful woman named Tito Tappy. She invited me into her home with pride, eager to show me what she had accomplished through her hard work. I could have walked into her home and seen it as brown. The ground was made of dirt, the walls were made of dirt, there was no electricity or plumbing, her children had clothes on that were too big for them, and she had clothing hanging all around the small room that all 6 members of her family sleep in. Instead, I looked at how beautifully Tito's eyes lit up when she talked about her hope. She sweeps her floor daily to keep it clean, she is collecting bricks to build a permenant home, she just bought some new metal sheets to roof her home and keep the rain out, the light shines beautifully through the door of her house, her children now have more than one  outfit to wear and they have clothing to grow into. There are so many beautiful things happening here. I understand how a person can be torn about the poverty in Uganda. When someone in their families gets sick, when something traumatic happens, it is so much harder for the women here to make things come back together; but I cannot deny the fact the the people here embrace life with a stronger grip. They fall to their knees and weep when they worship. They curl over and laugh with no fear or shyness. They rejoice with dance and song. They live in a bright and colorful way.

********************

     There are a lot of things happening here that I would like to write about but there isn't enough time to touch on everything. I did go to the other organization that I was interested in on Wednesday. They work to educate children around the villages. I went and volunteered with them for a day, but I'm not sure that I will go back. It is not that anything specific happened while I was there; I just don't feel peace about it and I think that I may explore volunteering at other schools and orphanages and see where I feel most needed. 

     

     When I first got to the village to volunteer they gave me a tour of their educational facility. While a man namied Jims was walking me around, I heard a loud scream come from behind me. I turned around and there was a young boy about twenty yards away from us with a big mischeveous grin on his face. It was obvious to me that he had a disability by the way he composed himself. He held his arms up with his wrists close to his shoulders, and he walked slowly toward us in a semi-crouching position. However, I think that the fact that clued me in the most was that he wasn't wearing pants and he was covered in dirt. While he was shuffling towards us, Jims told me the boy's name is John and although he looks like he was 9, he is actually 18. He said that when John was born, his parents were afraid for the people of the village to see their son, so they locked him in the house for much of his life. Then one day, by the grace of God, his parents forgot to lock the door and John escaped smiling and screaming with joy. Because he spent much of his life confined to a room, he was severly crouching as he ran out of his home and he scared all of the village with his scream and his composure. Because of his escape, now the village knows who he is and he is free to roam around as the other children do. By this time, John was standing next to Jims and I. I held out my hand for him to hold and he grabbed onto it. He reached down and grabbed a handful of rocks and gave them to me. I put the rocks back on the ground after I slipped one into my backpack as a keepsake. 

     Although I fell in love with John, the volunteer work I did there did not feel like a good atmosphere for me. I will continue to pray and search for a new special needs ministry to get connected with here in Jinja. My cousin says she knows some people who work with special needs children, so hopefully I will get to talk to them soon about what they do specifically and where I can get involved.

     Thank you to everyone who has been praying for me and sending positive vibes in this direction. The love of my community at home is overwhelming and your support keeps me motivated even though I'm not ever entirely sure what I am doing here. I love you all for reading this as well.

If you have any questions or comments and are having trouble leaving them on this site, please email me at alisoncpatrick@gmail.com

Photo by Bill Patrick

A Heavenly Family

            Last week I was on my way back to my dorm room from a class across campus, and I found myself avoiding eye contact with the people that were crossing my path. I started questioning why I was doing this.

Was I insecure?

Am I afraid of what they think of me?

Is it awkward to smile at people?

Am I trying to avoid rejection?

More and more questioning began rooting itself in my thought process. I lifted my head up at this point and decided that I was going to smile at someone walking towards me. I looked at the older man striding in my direction and made eye contact. I started to smile but my teeth instantly began feeling cold and naked; so instead, I awkwardly stretched my lips out horizontally over my teeth, lifted my eyebrows in an unsure fashion, and quickly looked back down at the pavement below me.

I lifted my head again hoping for another chance at success. There was a tall woman walking towards me and her eyes moved to meet mine. I smiled at her quickly without thinking, but as soon as we saw each other looking, her eyes went straight for the ground before I could lift the corners of my mouth into a grin. The eye contact made her uncomfortable from the beginning.

At this point, God used my failure at making friends to teach me something amazing.

People, over time, become vulnerable and uncomfortable in their daily lives. They lose their trust in the hearts of others because they have been let down so many times in their past.

Last night I watched a movie on Netflix called “What Maisie Knew”. The story is about a very young girl who is in the center of a custody battle between her busy and self-serving parents. As I was watching the movie, I couldn’t get over the submissiveness of the child. It was evident that she knew, to an extent, who had her best interest and safety in mind when making decisions; however, she never spoke up when poor decisions were made because she was so unbelievably trusting of the people who were older than her. There was a point in the film where someone she loved asked her to go somewhere with a stranger who knew her mother. Although she was hesitant, she went with him. The stranger ended up being a great guy, but I couldn’t shake the fact that the child had so much faith in the words of the people she cared about.

"…Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3

This verse in Matthew is about humbling yourself before God.

It’s about calling him your Father

And trusting that he loves you and is wiser than anyone can begin to understand.

Though Maisie is weary of leaving when asked to go with the strange man, she trusts that the people she loves know that it is the best option for her.

This verse in Matthew is not about foolishness.

It is not about blindly trusting strangers

Or trusting the foolish decisions of the people you love.

It’s about knowing that God knows what is best, regardless of the fear you have when following his plans.

If we can listen and follow our earthy parents even though we are hesitant, how much more can we not follow our heavenly Father who is all-knowing and cares for us with an unconditional love.

As I watched people on campus break eye contact with my smiling face, I realized that unmerited love has become a strange thing in this world. If I truly check myself, almost every time I give, or serve, or love, I have some self-serving intention behind my actions. How free will we be, once we learn not to be offended or upset when someone does not reciprocate our love for them? …But even then, the prize of freedom is self-serving and we become caught in our selfishness once more.

God has mastered this unmerited love: something that I cannot even wrap my mind around. But he has never asked me to.

By being “God the Father” he has called us into a relationship where there is gentleness, comfort, and understanding

By being “God the Father” he has also called us into a relationship of complete trust and submission – not because we have to – but because he has displayed his unconditional love for us and told us what is in our best interest (just the way a loving father would tell his child).

Lately, I have noticed a lot of Christ followers talking about what it means to call God their father. A lot of people in my generation have issues with the idea of God as a Father, because their fathers have made mistakes in the past and have forgotten to fix things before moving foreword.

I have been blessed with a dad who, instead of making my faith in a father confusing, has made it something easier to understand.

In high school I struggled with accepting the free forgiveness of God. I didn’t understand how a perfect God could forgive me, and I wasn’t quite able to grasp what Jesus’ sacrifice really meant for my life. Sometimes, I would find myself so consumed in guilt that I would ache to sit on the floor, drain my eyes of their tears, and pull my hair out. The one thing that helped me back on my feet was to think “Would my earthly father hate me for the things I have done?” Every time, I would find solace in knowing that he would cry with me in my own hurting, call me beautiful (even with my bald patches), and try to help me back on my feet.

I have understood “God the Father” because I have understood “Dad the father”.

That day, as I walked through campus, I asked God to open my eyes and wash them to see as His do. With each step I took, I began to deepen my understanding in something new. Not only do I have a heavenly Father, but I have a heavenly Family. These people who I walk past are my brothers and sisters, and until I see them as such, I truly don’t understand what God is doing on the earth.

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.” 1 John 3:1

Let us begin to walk genuinely as brothers and sisters in Christ.

I would never walk past my sisters with my eyes down.

I run to them with a smiling face, ready to embrace them.

I’m not implying that we run to hug strangers, unless you feel called in that direction, but I do think that the idea of “strangers” needs to be eliminated.

We need to look at every interaction as an encounter with our closest friend, with a dear family member, with a kindred spirit, with Christ Himself.

Stop seeing the world for what it is and open your eyes to what it was made to be!

I have understood a heavenly family because I have understood an earthly one.

––––––

I know that this post has been long, but bare with me for one more moment.

My heavenly Father has asked me to go somewhere exciting and scary, and I have agreed to follow him there because I trust that he has something up his sleeve that I don’t know about. I keep asking Him “Why send me to Uganda, why not someone who has a skill set to contribute?” and all he lays on my heart is  “It’s not about you, it’s about Me”.

In all honesty, there is nothing that I will be able to do in Uganda that the next ten people wouldn’t be able to do as well. I will be going with nothing to boast about, so I can’t say to you that I am qualified to serve in any manner.

However what I can say is that is exactly why he has asked me.

My sisters, Nicole and Laura, and I have recently decided that we will be planning a charity concert to raise money for the organizations that I will be volunteering with.

I will still be volunteering with The Akola Project, but I have chosen to work alongside Soft Power Education and their special needs program instead of with the orphanage I mentioned in my last post.

The concert will be in May hopefully, and I will keep you all updated on that.

Thank you for all of your prayers and thoughts! I feel so blessed to be surrounded by such a beautiful and loving Heavenly Family.