Last
week I was on my way back to my dorm room from a class across campus, and I
found myself avoiding eye contact with the people that were crossing my path. I
started questioning why I was doing this.
Was I insecure?
Am I afraid of what they think of me?
Is it awkward to smile at people?
Am I trying to avoid rejection?
More and more questioning began
rooting itself in my thought process. I lifted my head up at this point and
decided that I was going to smile at someone walking towards me. I looked at the
older man striding in my direction and made eye contact. I started to smile but
my teeth instantly began feeling cold and naked; so instead, I awkwardly
stretched my lips out horizontally over my teeth, lifted my eyebrows in an
unsure fashion, and quickly looked back down at the pavement below me.
I lifted my head again hoping for
another chance at success. There was a tall woman walking towards me and her
eyes moved to meet mine. I smiled at her quickly without thinking, but as soon
as we saw each other looking, her eyes went straight for the ground before I
could lift the corners of my mouth into a grin. The eye contact made her
uncomfortable from the beginning.
At this point, God used my failure at making friends to
teach me something amazing.
People, over time, become vulnerable and uncomfortable in
their daily lives. They lose their trust in the hearts of others because they
have been let down so many times in their past.
Last night I watched a movie on
Netflix called “What Maisie Knew”. The story is about a very young girl who is
in the center of a custody battle between her busy and self-serving parents. As
I was watching the movie, I couldn’t get over the submissiveness of the child.
It was evident that she knew, to an extent, who had her best interest and
safety in mind when making decisions; however, she never spoke up when poor
decisions were made because she was so unbelievably trusting of the people who
were older than her. There was a point in the film where someone she loved
asked her to go somewhere with a stranger who knew her mother. Although she was
hesitant, she went with him. The stranger ended up being a great guy, but I
couldn’t shake the fact that the child had so much faith in the words of the
people she cared about.
"…Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like
children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3
This verse in Matthew is about humbling yourself before God.
It’s about calling him your Father
And trusting that he loves you and is wiser than anyone can
begin to understand.
Though Maisie is weary of leaving when asked to go with the
strange man, she trusts that the people she loves know that it is the best
option for her.
This verse in Matthew is not about foolishness.
It is not about blindly trusting strangers
Or trusting the foolish decisions of the people you love.
It’s about knowing that God knows what is best, regardless
of the fear you have when following his plans.
If we can listen and follow our earthy parents even though
we are hesitant, how much more can we not follow our heavenly Father who is
all-knowing and cares for us with an unconditional love.
As I watched people on campus break
eye contact with my smiling face, I realized that unmerited love has become a
strange thing in this world. If I truly check myself, almost every time I give,
or serve, or love, I have some self-serving intention behind my actions. How
free will we be, once we learn not to be offended or upset when someone does
not reciprocate our love for them? …But even then, the prize of freedom is
self-serving and we become caught in our selfishness once more.
God has mastered this unmerited
love: something that I cannot even wrap my mind around. But he has never asked
me to.
By being “God the Father” he has called us into a
relationship where there is gentleness, comfort, and understanding
By being “God the Father” he has also called us into a
relationship of complete trust and submission – not because we have to – but
because he has displayed his unconditional love for us and told us what is in
our best interest (just the way a loving father would tell his child).
Lately, I have noticed a lot of
Christ followers talking about what it means to call God their father. A lot of
people in my generation have issues with the idea of God as a Father, because
their fathers have made mistakes in the past and have forgotten to fix things
before moving foreword.
I have been blessed with a dad who,
instead of making my faith in a father confusing, has made it something easier
to understand.
In high school I struggled with
accepting the free forgiveness of God. I didn’t understand how a perfect God
could forgive me, and I wasn’t quite able to grasp what Jesus’ sacrifice really
meant for my life. Sometimes, I would find myself so consumed in guilt that I
would ache to sit on the floor, drain my eyes of their tears, and pull my hair
out. The one thing that helped me back on my feet was to think “Would my
earthly father hate me for the things I have done?” Every time, I would find
solace in knowing that he would cry with me in my own hurting, call me
beautiful (even with my bald patches), and try to help me back on my feet.
I have understood “God the Father” because I have understood
“Dad the father”.
That day, as I walked through
campus, I asked God to open my eyes and wash them to see as His do. With each
step I took, I began to deepen my understanding in something new. Not only do I
have a heavenly Father, but I have a heavenly Family. These people who I walk
past are my brothers and sisters, and until I see them as such, I truly don’t
understand what God is doing on the earth.
"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that
we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world
does not know us is that it did not know him.” 1 John 3:1
Let us begin to walk genuinely
as brothers and sisters in Christ.
I would never walk past my sisters with my eyes down.
I run to them with a smiling face, ready to embrace them.
I’m not implying that we run to hug strangers, unless you
feel called in that direction, but I do think that the idea of “strangers”
needs to be eliminated.
We need to look at every interaction as an encounter with
our closest friend, with a dear family member, with a kindred spirit, with
Christ Himself.
Stop seeing the world for what it is and open your eyes to
what it was made to be!
I have understood a heavenly family because I have
understood an earthly one.
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I know that this post has been long, but bare with me for
one more moment.
My heavenly Father has asked me to go somewhere exciting and
scary, and I have agreed to follow him there because I trust that he has
something up his sleeve that I don’t know about. I keep asking Him “Why send me
to Uganda, why not someone who has a skill set to contribute?” and all he lays
on my heart is “It’s not about you,
it’s about Me”.
In all honesty, there is nothing that I will be able to do
in Uganda that the next ten people wouldn’t be able to do as well. I will be
going with nothing to boast about, so I can’t say to you that I am qualified to
serve in any manner.
However what I can say is that is exactly why he has asked me.
My sisters, Nicole and Laura, and I have recently decided
that we will be planning a charity concert to raise money for the organizations
that I will be volunteering with.
I will still be volunteering with The Akola Project, but I
have chosen to work alongside Soft Power Education and their special needs
program instead of with the orphanage I mentioned in my last post.
The concert will be in May hopefully, and I will keep you
all updated on that.
Thank you for all of your prayers and thoughts! I feel so
blessed to be surrounded by such a beautiful and loving Heavenly Family.
